No matter how many times I leave home for new adventures I seem to be drawn back to find what I was looking for. Of course both literal and metaphorically speaking… We seem to set out to find something, only to discover it’s within us along.
I’ve felt at a different place in my life having Leif compared to when I had the first three children. With the others it was all new and I was experiencing that child bearing/rearing stage of life in full swing. They were all close in age and I was able to introduce them to life and teach them all at once. Now, it seems strange doing it all again with a new little one sort of alone.
I’m trying not to compare although it’s a bit sad to me that he won’t know the same experiences. Instead, I’m realizing that his will be rich and sweet in other ways! It’s no use wishing things could stay the same because they cant. Embracing change and not dwelling on what will be missing has been better for me to focus on. Being present and in the moment is where the magical moments are anyway.
That being said, I’m not as motivated to be super intentional about doing all the “special” things with Leif. Maybe because I’ve been there done that with the other kids already or maybe because we’re in a busier stage of family life. Whatever it is, it’s had me feeling guilty. I simply don’t have the time or energy to plan and carry out extra things to do with him like I felt I did when ”homeschooling” the other kiddos. I’ve even looked into enrolling him in a local preschool so he will have more early learning experiences and social time with peers.
As I accept this change, and quit putting pressure on myself, I’ve actually began to notice I’m finding my sense of wonder and spontaneity again. I’m relaxing and letting go, and it’s starting to come back to me. Instead of being worried about what I am or am not doing, I’ve been able to notice when to just seize the moment like I use to do!
My grandpa lives down the road from us and his apple tree has been in harvest. Leif and I stopped in and picked some apples, took some photos and had a little autumn experience. He loved being outside and the tactile part of it all engaged his curiosity. He learned to identify and label some new things with his words and he tasted a fresh treat! He made connections like how we eat apples and thoughtfully took some to the horse! It’s amazing to watch the spark take shape when we explore for the first time… It’s also refreshing to feel that spark when the road takes us home to our roots.
Have you felt this kind of pleasure before? It sure is a nice reassurance sometimes. I hope this season takes you back in time only to reshape something even more beautiful
Keep living for the most friends,